While the holidays may be joyous and a time to spend with family, this is not the case for everyone. Some people don't have the option to be with family or their feel so uncomfortable with their family that they are not able to enjoy this time. This can be due to trauma, not having a great relationship with family, or just not feeling supported by your family.
If you find yourself feeling dread or experiencing anxiety about getting together with family, this post will give you some information about how to prepare yourself.
Tips to Survive the Holidays with Family
1. Boundaries
Many times we don't feel like we are able to set boundaries or feel uncomfortable setting boundaries with our families. It feels like they will not comply or respect those boundaries or they will just ignore what you have to say around them. We still want to think about why we are setting the boundaries. The boundaries are being set to keep you safe and calm while around the family. Boundaries can be set in many different ways but the most important aspect is to make sure that it is communicated. It may feel weird to set boundaries with just one person so maybe it is a blanket boundary you are setting.
2. Mindfulness
Practicing mindfulness can make it a little easier to manage different aspects of dysfunction during the holidays. This can be breathing, walking away and finding a space that is calming for you. This can also be doing some kind of meditative moment. Creating a calm and soothing place for yourself would provide a place in your mind that could be helpful. You can also think about excusing yourself and taking a walk, if possible.
3. Planning Ahead
Having a plan ahead of time is going to help you feel like you may have a way out. This would include things like having an "escape plan". For example, you could tell yourself that you only want to be at the family function for 30 mins or a couple hours. You could also think about where you can go if you need a break. Connecting with family members or others that you feel comfortable with. If you get anxious, can I go to the bathroom, call a friend, or just leave? These are things that you may be able to think about prior to leaving for the function. Planning ahead may also include doing some mindfulness practices a couple weeks prior to the function to make sure that you have things that are helpful. Also thinking about your coping skills that you have developed.
4. Identify Triggers and think of ways to deal with them
Many times people are triggered by their families. It can be something that they are doing, something they are saying, or just the environment. We want to make sure that we are identifying what those triggers are for us. Once we know what those triggers are, we can find ways to deal with them and make it a little more bearable to deal with the family. Also by identifying the triggers, you can ask the question around what you have control over and how can I continue to gain control of this trigger?
5. Gratitude
Like mindfulness, we want to practice gratitude. We want to be intentional around thinking about what I am grateful for, what has been making me happy, what has been making my smile. By thinking about these things, you are providing yourself with a positive mindset.
These are just a few things to think about when trying to deal with family during the holidays. What is really important to remember is that you are giving yourself some grace. The holidays are hard and families can be harder to navigate.
KaRon
Comments
Post a Comment